youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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