Can Purell be used as lube?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
