i just wanna soil my oats bro
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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