I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Randomize
