he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
