PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
