I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
