we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
