I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
