You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
