i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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