clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
