I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
