If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
