i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize