If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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