i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize