what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
