Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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