For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
