I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
