Don't make out with my wife yet
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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