Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
