i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
