meet me or not, i'm out of control
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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