also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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