It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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