I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
