Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
