I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
