Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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