...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
