my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize