It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
