I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
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