Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize