God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
