so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
