I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
