he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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