oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
