forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
