would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
