R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
