Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
