her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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