I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
