I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize