party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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