Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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