It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
