When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
