Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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