I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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