So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
