It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
