In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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