Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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