i just wanna soil my oats bro
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
