I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
