i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
