Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
