I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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