I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
