i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
