she looked like the bat from fern gully.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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