Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
