PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
...so i touched it.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
